just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
sex in a hospital.. check
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
