I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
