I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
