that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
