Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
