Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
