And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
