I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he thought i was a dude.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
