i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize