she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
