I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
