After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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