Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
