Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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