If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
