I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
