There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The beer is more important than you right now.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
