Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
