your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
