My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
