I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
