im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
