He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
