I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
