3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
