I met the friendliest cop last night
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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