Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
