you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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