Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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