i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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