TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
