Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
