If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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