cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Randomize
