she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
