did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Boobs are out for the taking
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
