I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I think my moral compass just broke
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