I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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