Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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