im six kinds of drunk right now
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
