i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
