Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
