And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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