we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Vodka?
Forever.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
