Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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