i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
