and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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