It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
