spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
