how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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