He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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