Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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