I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
