I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Randomize
