My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
