Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
