Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
