The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
