wrigley field is MILF paradise
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
