Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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