Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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