walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
