just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
