But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
