she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
