ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
