Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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