So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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