Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
