Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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