Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize