Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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