He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
