Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I want to make a zoo with you.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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