Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
