I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize