Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Randomize
