On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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