you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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