let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
