Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
