So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
