Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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