ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
