Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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