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the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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