Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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