We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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