Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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