I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize