i love accidental penises.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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